Harry Potter and That Time He Complained About Hermione's Biscuits
by WildflowerWeasley
Summary: It is a well-known fact that Hermione is terrible in the kitchen, one that Harry isn't afraid to point out.


**A/N:** Happy Halloween! I got this idea after finding a picture of Dan with an ax in his head, I thought it was hilarious and the plot bunnies began to attack!

* * *

It was a running joke between the Golden Trio, the fact that Hermione Granger "Brightest Witch of the Age" was a shite cook. She could literally do anything she set her mind to, but for some reason, her brilliance didn't carry over to the culinary arts.

She had tried, but it never worked out. Even the simplest of meals was a disaster, and when she offered to cook, the boys quickly called for takeaway as a backup plan.

That was how Harry found himself at Charlotte's Bakery ordering festive sweets the morning of the thirty first. The trio had received their invitations to the annual Weasley Halloween Bash in Diagon Alley, and Hermione had offered to bake pumpkin shaped biscuits for the occasion.

Harry and Ron had nodded and smiled unconvincingly, both knowing that there was a very good chance that she would poison dozens of people.

They had tried to talk her out of it, hoping she would just buy something from a baker, but she wouldn't hear it. Hermione promised that _this time_ , the biscuits would be perfect. She had been practicing.

* * *

After leaving the bakery, Harry made his way to Hermione's flat. When he walked through the front door, he heard the sound of the smoke alarm chirping and ran into the kitchen. "Hermione! Merlin...are you alright?"

Smoke filled the room, and Hermione was standing on a chair waving a towel around the alarm. "Just a minor issue with timing. That's all," she answered.

He quickly opened the kitchen window and used his wand to clear the smoke from the room.

"Minor? Oh, I've only just burned my kitchen down, no worries," He mocked teasingly trying to hold in his laughter.

Harry saw her narrow her eyes before she jumped down and brought the chair back to the dining table. "Ha-Ha," she said.

She released a heavy sigh as she walked over to inspect her latest batch of biscuits...They were black and beyond saving.

"Well...I suppose I can give it one more go. I think I know what I did wrong this time."

Harry held up the box from Charlotte's and set it on the counter next to her burned creation.

She rolled her eyes, "I can do it! I'll get it right next time."

Harry, unable to deny the witch anything, said, "alright, let's give it a go," as he donned an apron.

* * *

At six thirty, Harry cut pumpkin shapes out of the fourth batch of dough and Hermione put them into the oven. They had been at it since around ten that morning and Harry had agreed to help until they ran out of ingredients.

"'Mione we only have an hour before we have to leave...we should get ready."

Hermione's eyes widened, "Oh Merlin…Harry, I don't have a costume! I got so caught up in baking that I never got anything."

"Okay, I bet we can come up with something."

"What are you going to be?" She asked while walking into her bedroom.

Harry followed, grabbing the bag he had dropped on the couch earlier that morning. "I'm a murder victim. I'm going to wear normal clothes with this," he held up a plastic ax, "can you charm it to look like it's stuck in my head and then put blood on it?"

Hermione grinned widely, "Oh that's so gruesome, I love it!"

Hermione took the ax and fake blood, waiting for Harry to change into the old t-shirt he'd brought. Her cheeks burned when he pulled his polo shirt over his head, giving her a fantastic view of his chest.

She knew exactly what Harry was up to and turned around to walk into her closet. He had been shamelessly flirting with her over the last year but had never gone further than that. It was clear that he was upping his game tonight.

"Keep it together Hermione…"

She fanned her face and looked through her clothes. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with Harry, but he was her best friend. While she knew that her feelings had grown substantially, she was afraid to ruin their friendship.

She put her hands on her face in an attempt to cool her burning cheeks, not noticing that Harry had walked up behind her.

"You should wear this," he said right beside her ear and pulled down a black dress with a white collar and cuffs.

Hermione jumped at the sound of Harry's voice so close to her ear. "Shite! Harry, don't sneak up on me!" she smacked his chest before realizing he was still naked from the waist up. "And put your shirt on for Godric's sake!"

Harry noticed her ears turning red and thought he heard her whisper something about killing him as she fled the closet. He laughed as an idea came to mind, "'Mione I have an idea for your costume," he said while walking into the bathroom.

* * *

Hermione stepped back to look at her handy work and smiled. The ax looked so real sticking out of his blood-soaked hair.

"Oh, I am good. You look thoroughly murdered." She was washing her hands when the sound of the timer chimed from the kitchen.

"The biscuits are done! I'll be right back, and then you can do me."

"Can I now?" He said cheekily.

"Oh shut it, you know what I meant!"

Harry watched as she ran from the room, "I'd rather look thoroughly snogged," he called out and heard her giggling from the other room.

After ensuring that blood wasn't going to drip onto the carpet, he walked into the kitchen. Hermione had removed the biscuits from the oven and was trying to get them onto a plate. She looked up when he walked in and picked one up.

"Here, taste this."

Harry forced a smile and reluctantly took the cooled shortbread from her. He took a bite just big enough to determine that it was burned on the bottom and tasted like it had salt instead of sugar.

He chewed the tiny bite and tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace. "Mmm…"

Her hopeful smile dropped and she looked heartbroken, "they're terrible, aren't they…what did I do wrong this time? I followed the recipe perfectly!"

"They're...a bit burned and really salty."

She huffed and crossed her arms before walking back to the counter. Harry followed her and turned her by her shoulders to faced him before he wrapped his arms around her waist.

She rested her chin on his chest with a pout on her face and Harry smiled at her softly. She had no idea how adorable she was.

"Sorry, 'Mione. If it helps, they were the best batch of the day..."

Her bottom lip poked out further, and he was tempted to capture it with his own. "Go get ready while I clean this up."

* * *

Harry had just finished cleaning up when Hermione walked back in wearing her costume. She had put on the dress he'd chosen, and there was blood spattered on her face, neck, and hands.

"Well?"

Harry walked over and took her hand to spin her around, taking in the outfit in its entirety. "I feel that I should tell you, Miss Granger, that even though your cooking is atrocious, I would gladly eat your burned biscuits every day for forever if you would let me."

"Harry…" She whined and looked down while smoothing her dress.

"Hermione…" He mocked while lifting her chin. "You know I'm not giving up, love. I'm a stubborn man, and I'll wait as long as it takes for you to say yes."

A charming smile spread across his face, and Hermione rolled her eyes while trying not to smile back, "git."

"You love me," he said smugly and wrapped his arms around her waist.

She laid her head on his chest, "Merlin help me, but I do...Fine! Suffer my cooking for as long as you like, but it will be your own fault if you die of food poisoning."

Harry leaned back to look into her eyes, "you mean it?"

She grinned at his serious expression and nodded.

Harry let out a loud whoop as he picked her up spun her around.

"I knew you couldn't resist my charm forever!"

Hermione laughed and smacked his shoulder, "don't be a smug arse, I've already murdered you once tonight."

Harry held his hands up in surrender, "I'll never complain about your burned biscuits again."

"Mhm, that's because you're going to do all of the cooking."

Harry leaned in and captured her lips in a slow kiss, "I think I can live with that."


End file.
